As the title implies, this is not everything I’ve ever written. You wouldn’t want that. Trust me. But this is a collection of more than forty works, mostly funny, that I really like. Some of this material is brand new, some has been around awhile but has never been published in written form. Some of these tales are stories I love but just can’t figure out how, or where, to tell. One of my favorite sections is the collection of quirky children’s books I can’t get published. And there are a handful of poems, but don’t be scared­– you can skip them easy enough. So, if you are interested in Skeeter, he’s in here, but get ready for Whimsey, The Three Billy Goats Who Disliked Each Other, Gertrude the Poodle Planet, The Compendium of Lesser-Known Tooth Faries, handy how-to tips on fixing appliances, hunting bears, invading communist countries, and other hilarious advice I advise you do not follow.